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[09 Jun 2007|09:18pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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i feel like everyones leaving its truely making me depressed
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| another random update |
[27 May 2007|02:52am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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linkin park- shadow of the day |
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hey all if you want to listen listen if you dont then dont read i have to vent..
im sitting here its almost 3 in the morning my mind wont shut off for the life of it like a 1000 and 1 things are running and arent slowing down its not like i go to bed before like 1 anyways..
alright..one person may get this what im about to say or should i say know how im talking about but so what i swear shes the only one who 100% understands me..but theres this person whos been in my life since was 16 and theres aways been something there but we have always been with other people but then somethings have heppens through out the years then he was almost married i thought i lost him so i moved on then they broke up and i thought i had a chance he made me think i had a chance..nope he went back with her..so shot one right..i start to move on he comes back things start to pick up a bit..but since i couldnt drive it was hard we both didnt have cars we fell for someone..shot number 2 there together for awhile well hes single again and i was waiting for him to concact me sure enough he did..and once again i hang out with..for some god knows reason i cant stay away from him but im like waiting for him to hurt me or get in a realtionship or something hes saying all this stuff to me..said he loved me..well then tonight when he said he was going to call doesnt call me..ok yeah shit happens all the time but it takes 5 secs to call someone..so once again im crying over him..why do i keep on going back to him? i dont do this shit..why cant i just tell him you know what fuck you! like i should! i dont get it! i DONT FUCKING GET IT!!!!..but its my own damn fault im not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me its my own damn problem i just need to vent
im out im done
tomorrows a new day..gotta say goodbye to someone i really dont want to say goodbye to..it sucks
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| Ello Love! |
[01 May 2007|03:20pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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well well hello there everyone its time for my once a month update lol and it is a new month and im freaken bored so i desided ooooo what the hell why not...sooooo yeah whats been new with me?....uhhh not a whole hell of a lot still looking for a second job so i can get my car and DRIVE! yes you heard it DRIVE i still dont fucking drive but i got to close but oh no i need a fucking car to take the test on who would have thought that one eh? lol well as least im the closest i have ever been and over my fear somewhat..its wonderful let me tell you... man i feel like im high right now but im not i dont do that shit why is it i feel this way? lol anywho yeah theres really not much to report i dont update cuz really im lame i dont have much going on and im sure you dont want to hear about my lame life..trust me it is lame im not being emo by any means its the truth my lovers...well hmmm yeah if anything really truely interesting happens i'll update more otherwise i will just keep this a once a month thing or if even that or if i get really bored which i tend to do a lot i just may update too so who knows so if any of you little jerks have wondered where i have been yes i am alive still just dont update so on that note i am done
Later dudes!
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| it never ends |
[31 Jan 2007|04:33pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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well things are still kind of crazy around here i feel like my heads going to just fall off one of these days on a good note my damn cold is almost gone yaaay but on other notes its all just a big blurr..since my dads brother dying its been rather crazy and it seems like it happend days ago but really its only been like three days i think just cuz the weekend i pretty much didnt sleep at all and im all fucked up on my days now
Last night i went and saw my grandpa hes doing a lot better he was up joking around but who knows how long that will last its like night and day with him sometimes then i went over lauras to kind of get away for a little to play poker with her aaron and joe its was nice to just have fun get my mind off of things but on the way home i started to break down in the driveway i did thank you so much laura for being my support last night that meant a lot to me i just always feel like an ass when people gotta see my freak outs i dont know makes me feel crazy but i know its was ok to do that but i again thank you sweetheart i love you!!.. i just feel so out of it these days im all messed up i go to work im fine i come home to everything i want to rip my head off it sucks and i dont have any shit to really worry about i dont know how my dads doing with it with everything he has to do now and plus you know?
but im out i need sleep and another job...i want to cuddle :(
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| R.I.P |
[29 Jan 2007|05:01am] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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music |
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My chemical Romance- Sleep ( i just love this cd) |
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so my dads brother died tonight we got at call at 11 saying things werent changing but they would try then we got a call at 2ish saying his heart stopped but they brought him back my dad and mom went down there his heart stopped again and that was that it was a lot harder then i thought i think its just the fact of my dad and grandma it was hard to see them cry..sad thing is my grandpa doesnt even know yet we have to tell him later today hes still in the hospital so were really worried how this is going to go...i slept maybe 2 hours its now 5 im still up and not going to bed anytime soon...my dad hasnt slept in 2 days im just worried about him
welp if u beleive in god pray for everything to go ok today
things are changing
even though i really didnt know you your in a better place now R.I.P
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| ........... |
[28 Jan 2007|06:34pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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so my dads bro isnt doing good hes more then likely going to die within a day or so they did what they could i feel bad for my dad..my grandpa is going to be ok hes going to be in the hospital until wed. so thats that
on another note im going to hurt my sisters end of story
fuck this shit
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| hmmm |
[27 Jan 2007|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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this damn thing on the tv lol |
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its seems as if life is testing everyone theses days everyone i talk to is going through things lauras going through some stuff right now my family is well more my dad his brother is pretty much not doing too good right now if anyone knows im really not close with my outer family only with my one cuz and his wife and kids but anyways hes not doing good so him and my mom are over my grandparents house taking care of my grandpa cuz my grandma just had surgery on her hand i feel bad
the fact that im still sick is annoying me i want it to go away
i swear it doesnt stop
im out
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| its been awhile |
[24 Jan 2007|11:48pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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my chemical romance- i dont love you |
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i know i like never update this thing anymore as does really anyone else since everyone uses my space now but mines just out of being a lazy ass so this it whats going on with me if u really want to know
well its the new year and for some reason it being 2007 it hit me hard on what im doing with my life like the day of new years i was like holy god im turning 22 what the hell am i doing with my life in 2006 it seems as if like nothing really too great happend i mean some things did like my nephew was born in july and some little thing here and there but nothing big and theres something i have been wanting to change about myself for a long time but just never did it..this year my be the year i might work on it...like one is that fact that i dont drive..i hate it but its been a big fear of mine forever thanks to my other half i have overcome that and may be driving in march ( that is if i get my ass back out there lately i have been a little behind but whatever) another thing is as lame is this may sound is finding happiness i have the best friends a girl could ask for i wouldnt trade them in for the world theres few i could say i would take a bullet for but my best friends i would ( you know who you are) but therse always this part of me that so unhappy..that fact that i dont have a boyfriend i know that wont make everything go away people tell me that all the time and i know this but i have never been in a long realtionship cuz really i wasnt ready for but now i am but everytime i start to see anything in anyone like hey maybe it could go somewhere it bites me in the ass hardcore...im sick of it..but as much as it may suck im ok...life goes on just havent found anyone yet..i mean i have this silly little crushes who knows really
another thing is that has been kind of blowing me away is how much some trust me and im thankful people do but sometimes it really is too much for me..i always want people to be able to tell me anything and everything with no doubt in there mind cuz that how i am i want people to be ok with with talking to me and telling me things knowing i wont say anything..but if you say something about someone i love and is dear to me be let known unless i swear to you i will tell them thats just how i am and some have gotten pissed at me in the past for this but i look at it this way if someone was saying something about me i would want someone to tell me and if its being said to someone that im close with i hope to god that would tell me unless it is a personal thing then i understand
but im going to end this by saying this and i have said this before fight for what you believe in just dont push it on anyone who may thing different just let it ride if u guys love each other u will respect them for what they are fight for the person u love but if that person isnt willing to fight back then theres no point in hurting yourself anymore move on as hard as it may be..take life day by day were only here for so long dont let the small stuff get in the way of something big otherwise u will look back going what if what if
so long and goodnight its bed time
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| another year gone by |
[31 Dec 2006|06:55pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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Wow already a new year is about to be here so that means another year end journal entry for me...this year i can sum it up like this..change..thats the word of the year a lot changed but then some things did not, a lot of things ended this year..a lot of thing began..i have become closer to some people then i have ever been with anyone in my whole life..others i have cut out of my life cuz i have come to this..i just dont need it anymore..some new i have a new nephew whom i love..then some lost like my dog dying back in june (RIP)..th3 holidays were the holidays nothing too great was sick for most of it but now better...i want to thank all that have been there for me this past year and still stick strong with me..to those who i have let go, i hope you know that you brought this to yourself..to those who broke my heart i really hope your happy..but on with the new year a new start in hoping that this year will make an even bigger change. Have a happy new year all and good night!
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| a little food for thought |
[18 Nov 2006|04:01am] |
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mood |
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curious |
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if you love someone fight for them
if you truely love someone dont let them go
but if the other isnt willing to fight then let them go its not worth the fight if the other isnt willing to fight back
love isnt a one way street you have to both be willing to work for it no matter what if its only one side then its not worth the hurt anymore and it wasnt love to begin with
if you love someone i mean true deep love they will never leave your heart no matter where you are in life with or with out them.. or if or both are with someone new
dont hold on to something if nothings there all it will do is hurt the true person you love in the end
find yourself before you love other otherwise whats the point if u dont even know yourself
lifes a very hard thing to deal with we all know but dont take others down with you
live life day by day dont ever second guess telling those who you care about how you feel u never know what life will throw to you just say it if its from your heart thats what matter u never know what could happen to them and you wont ever be able to say it
tell the truth no matter what..we all tell little lies but tell the truth good or bad if the person is a true person the will respect you for telling the truth either way
-this is a little something i have been thinking about i have yet to fall in love but these are some of the things i have learned and hope will help others-
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[14 Nov 2006|11:47pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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yep...not happy
sooooooooooooooooooo sooo sooooooo sick and tired end of story no need to say more no need to say less
fuck it
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| long time no update |
[06 Nov 2006|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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my chemical romance-dead |
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so i desided to update for all you die hard carrie fans out there i know you all are just dying to know what i have been up to these weeks cuz as u all know my life is never boring...soo are you ready??? hold on to your seats or whatever ur sitting on cuz this is something else.....
ok for the past month i have been working at the halloween store wed. was my last day i was so sick of that place not working there next year but i met some really awesome people but now thats over so i will be free more..sorry to those who i havent seen these days forgive me im more free now so if u want to hang out come find me or something
anything else??? nope lol i told you my life is just full of interesting stuff now you can stop holding on to yours chairs or whatever cuz i know you were just sitting on the edge of your seat now you can go about to what you were doing and rest well that you know i updated now...thank you
-I know im werid but u love me!! lol-
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| helllllllllllllo |
[15 Oct 2006|02:01pm] |
just a fast update before work to let whoever still reads this shit know im still alive i swear to god i am its just the halloween store has taken over my life not many see me these days and im sorry but after halloweens over i will be back to being a loser lol lol lol u love me and u know it
im in a good mood for once maybe its cuz i had an awesome night last night :) later all
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| the truth |
[26 Sep 2006|03:36pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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good charlotte the truth |
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why cant people up front and just tell people whats going on i dont get it why they gotta pull them with them
this doesnt have to do with me its with someone i know
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[24 Sep 2006|02:29am] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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this is what i have to say OH OH WORK IT WORK IT!! lmao!
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| :( |
[21 Sep 2006|08:04pm] |
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music |
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my chemical romance-cancer |
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god i miss you!
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[21 Sep 2006|12:47am] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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fucking all to hell!!! grrr
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| so sick and tired |
[18 Sep 2006|10:04am] |
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mood |
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sick |
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this whole weekend i went out even tho i felt like shit cuz u know what i wanted to friday went to a concert it was sweet! saterday wasnt planning on doing much but at night hung out with andy and rachel came home sunday wasnt feeling good cuz i slept like shit then getting 5 in the morning phone calls that freak me out...anyways sunday i was like eh i might not do anything then laura wanted to hang out i was like why the hell not was fine until like 6 my ears were bugging the shit out of me so i passed out for almost 2 hours at her house lol ooops went to sleep light woke up dark! lol we went and played pool i have had better times not im getting into much im just annoyed 100% still am
ok im going to get into something call me what u wish whatever i dont care but im sick of being peoples ears all the time then the rare time im like yeah something is bugging me cuz if anyone really knows me i deal with shit my own ways dont really talk to many about shit unless ur really close to me but with this person i was in the need of there ear i tell them what happend and they start to talk about themself i was like thanks for the ear man..also im sick of not being able to trust anyone its so annoying im sick of having to always have my walls up and as soon as i start to let it down i get hurt one way or another there very few in my life that when i let that wall down are still here for me everyday and i thanks those people u know who u are
well im going to work later all
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[12 Sep 2006|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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fuck stop!
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[07 Sep 2006|04:13pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i swore to myself i would never let another one hurt me just when i start to get my hopes up i get shot
i swear god hates me
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littlebear20981's journal